I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
