True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
