My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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