i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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