I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
