Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
