I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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