I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize