You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
