I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
