Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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