Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize