i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
