dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
