just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
