Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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