so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
