1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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