I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize