I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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