I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
