he wants to bone in the snuggie
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
