so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
