No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just gargled with NyQuil
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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