While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
