Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
