id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
