I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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