Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
