Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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