P.S. I can't hear my feet
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
