the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
