I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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