why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
