You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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