I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
