I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
