Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
