Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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