he puts the penis in happiness.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize