i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
