I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
