A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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