Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
