I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
