I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
