yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
you traded sex for a burrito?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
