The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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