I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
