I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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