drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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