apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
