your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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