First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
this boner is exhausting
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
