Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I party with great urgency now.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
