Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
