had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I think I just sharted jello shots
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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