Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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