Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize