look no pants
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
