cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
