The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
