He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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