I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
