I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize