She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
