i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
